1. Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.
2. Age is a very high price to pay for maturity.
3. I doubt, therefore I might be.
4. To be intoxicated is to feel sophisticated but not be able to say it.
5. Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.
6. The older you get, the better you realize you were.
7. Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday.
8. Don't sweat the petty things, and don't pet the sweaty things.
9. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day.
Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
10. Women like silent men, they think they're listening.
11. If you ate pasta and antipasta, would you still be hungry?
12. If work is so terrific, how come they have to pay you to do it?
13. If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?
14. If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?